Taking a Bath-tized

Four years ago today, little Emmelia Raphaela became a member of the Church through the sacrament of Holy Baptism. Or, (as she called it for months after seeing her little sister get dunked) she "took a bath-tized". She remained a pious little child for some 3 years or so, with only a small break around 18 months when she was afraid of the chalice and refused Communion quite regularly. We'll get back to pious someday. Right now church is the place where Mom expects her to be quiet and play nicely - not so much fun.

I still remember one time when Emmelia and I were going into the local hospital for a La Leche League meeting and Emmelia (was she 2 or 3? I can't remember - probably 3) said "I was born in a hospital". I agreed with this statement and then she said "I was born in church, too". I'm not sure why she said that, but it gave me the chills.

God grant Emmelia & her Godparents (speaking of whom, if you're reading this - Emmelia mentioned last Sunday that she hasn't seen her god-brother or god-sister in quite a while. We need to work on that this year...) many years!

Out of the mouths of babes

Sweet things I've heard recently from the kids...

Maura, about to go to sleep, after I made the sign of the cross over her: "A-MEN!" (maybe you had to be there, but it was cute and I was impressed that she recognized it as a prayer and then knew what to say at the end of a prayer).

Emmelia, whispered in church: "Mama - Jesus is praying for me!" Hmmm... I'm not sure she quite understands the concept of prayer, but at least she knows Jesus cares about her, right?

Emmelia, after suffering through the indignity of getting her nails clipped: "I was brave - like St. George!" I almost started laughing that that one. Apparently to her the stress of getting your nails clipped is like fighting a horrible dragon.

Merry 3rd Day of Christmas!

Whew. Last week was crazy, beginning with Maura being in the hospital for double pneumonia 4 days before Christmas. Thank God, she has responded well to the antibiotics. A friend forwarded this article to an e-mail list and I wanted to share it here. He says much better what I was trying to get at in my last post. Meanwhile, Merry 3rd day of Christmas!

2005.12.25 Charleston Post Courier:

Whatever happened to the 12 Days of Christmas?
By Fr. John Parker

Christmas, as far as its "public" celebration is concerned, is just another proverbial frog in the kettle. In fact, Christmas in the public market was boiled long ago and replaced with a certain generic "holiday" whose central figures are candy canes, snowmen and elves. Recent articles paint the dreadful picture well. One describes an elementary school where the giving-tree, adorned with tags listing gifts one could purchase for needy families, was ordered to be taken down because the star on top indicated Christmas. Another describes a public library in Tennessee where Mary, Joseph, Jesus and the Magi were ordered to be removed from a public creche, leaving only the wild animals and a shepherd boy in an empty stable. Ironically, there is now plenty of room in the inn.

In the commercial realm, savvy marketers have tapped a significant vein and made millions on bigger-than-life-size versions of Frosty the Snowman and his companions, all of whom began to decorate yards around Thanksgiving. It is likely that the only snow one really will see this month in the Lowcountry is faux and held captive in numbers of front yards in 8-foot, inflatable plastic snow globes, reminiscent of the original coffee-table souvenirs one might buy in colder-weather climes.

It is not unreasonable to ask, "When do 'the holidays' begin anyway?" This year, earlier than ever, as several radio stations between Charleston and Hilton Head Island raced to be the first to play nonstop Chrisatmas music - before Thanksgiving. Stores and outlets all around opened as early as 6 a.m. on Nov. 25, Black Friday. (Another irony: The only other "named" Friday of the year is "Good Friday," on which Jesus Christ's crucifixion is commemorated. The day after Thanksgiving would better be named "Lucre Friday," since the aim is to make as much money as possible!)

Headline photographs in newspapers and magazines showed people standing in long lines, each with several televisions and dozens of DVDs nearly cascading out of their baskets. IPods, Blackberrys, the latest fashions, whatever, all for sale at alluring prices to kick off the "happy
holidays" in the "season of giving." But Christmas is not a generic holiday intended to boost the economy. It is a specific holy day, the second holiest day on the Christian calendar, on which the Incarnation of God, when God became truly human, is celebrated. It falls on a certain day and has certain meaning.

The word "Christmas" can even speak for itself: It means "the Mass (Holy Communion) of Christ." How can one truly, legitimately and fully celebrate Christmas (on some other day!) without the newborn king and in the absence of Holy Communion?

In the churches that have any connection at all to the church found on the pages of the New Testament, feasts in general (and Christmas specifically) have never been celebrated in advance of the day; rather, they are prepared for by times and seasons of repentance.

In the Orthodox Church, the Nativity fast lasts 40 days, from Nov. 15 to Dec. 24, as a mirror to Great Lent, the 40 days before Pascha (Easter). In the Roman Catholic Church and other "liturgical" churches, Advent is four weeks long. These seasons are not marked by Christmas carols and the greetings of the feast, but rather are spent anticipating, longing, waiting for the birth of Christ. Consider the crescendo: Fasting to prepare. Expectation. Days of tiredness, weariness and heightened anticipation. "O come, O come Emmanuel!" Then Christmas. The feast. The feasting. The celebration. All is light. Joy to the world. Christ is born! Glorify him! The feast begins with Holy Communion on the 25th, and the celebration lasts several days. The long days of fasting in anticipation of the feast are matched thereafter with numerous days of feasting. On the eighth day, we celebrate the circumcision of our Lord, who was submitted to the Law to fulfill it, as noted in Luke 2:21, whereon "he was called Jesus, the name given by the angel before he was conceived in the womb."

The feasting continues (fasting is forbidden!) until the 11th day after Christmas, when we pause to prepare for Theophany, the baptism of Christ.

In the Western church, this 12th day of Christmas is called Epiphany and is celebrated as the coming of the Magi who "open(ed) their treasures, (and) offered him gifts, gold, frankincense and myrrh" (Matthew 2:11) as signs of Jesus' kingship, his divinity and his impending death, respectively.

In the Orthodox tradition, we sing boldly about them, chanting: "For they who did worship the stars, were taught by a star to adore Thee, the Son of Justice, and to know Thee, the Orient from on High, O Lord, glory to Thee!"

Contrast this ancient, venerable and biblical pattern to some shocking local news: There are numbers of local churches that will not celebrate Christmas or hold any services on Christmas Day this year. Sunday is canceled!

These groups fail to see the true nature of Christian feasts, especially by making "the family" the focus of Christmas instead of Christ. Or worse, they won't hold services (to worship God) because "it would be poor use of resources on that day."

What a change from "Come, let us adore Him" to "It doesn't make good business sense. Stay home and indulge yourselves."

Once again, consider secular society's cycle of feasts. One flows from one nameless, rootless holiday to the next, pausing only enough to change the yard ornaments and end-of-aisle displays.

So much so that everything is a feast. And when everything is a feast, nothing at all is, as the "feast" is turned into perpetual, ceaseless self-indulgence of all sorts: spiritual, financial, familial, emotional, culinary, etc.

In the secular view (which is its own religion, make no mistake about it), the "winter holidays" as November-December are now fashionably called, are 30 days of feasting (Nov. 25-Dec. 25), including gluttonous "holiday" parties and countless opportunities and excursions to buy more things.

All of this is consummated for many in a Christ-less Christmas, followed by throwing out the Christmas tree on Dec. 26. Shortly thereafter comes the purchase of silver-glittered top hats for the New Year, and in January, possibly as early as Jan. 2, we will see Cupid in the stores.

It is certainly not Christ who is worshipped in this season, but Visa, and if not Visa, then surely "stuff and its accumulation."

If we were to rewrite the classic carol "The 12 Days of Christmas," it might be shortened to one verse that would read: "On the last day of Christmas (Dec. 26), I looked outside to see, by the trash can my neighbor's holiday tree."

But Christmas Day is not the end of Christmas; in fact, it is just the beginning of the Incarnation of the Word of God, our Lord and God and Savior Jesus Christ. It is not too late to celebrate Christmas as his Nativity, even including the 12-day feast.

We only have to change our minds.

Fr. John Parker is priest-in-charge of Holy Ascension Orthodox Church in I'On. This article appeared in The Post and Courier and updated online at Charleston.net on Sunday, December 25, 2005.

Bah Humbug!

I hate Christmas. Not the holy day itself or the event we remember, but the whole "thing" that this "season" has become in our society. The commercialism and drive to buy, buy, buy more and more material goods is over-whelming. Maybe I'm feeling it more because I'm over-whelmed by the amount of material goods in my house as it is. Santa could skip us and we would still have plenty to play with. I'm having a hard time not just canceling Christmas this year.

But the kids need to have some kind of good memories of the holiday, I think. When you hear about the childhood traumas most people remember from their childhood, many of them hinge on how the holidays were treated. And the Deac has always loved this holiday. Last weekend, though, I fear I robbed him of the Christmas spirit completely by taking one look at his Christmas wishlist and then showing him our credit card statements. That probably wasn't cool.

When we first got married, I remember being completely gung-ho about this holiday. We made much less money than we make now and we spent more on Christmas presents for family and friends. Each year I took great pride in decorating packages nicely and shipping them out on time to reach their intended recipients before the holiday. This year, it's December 20th and I still haven't made a list of what I want to give people. I hate the forced giving - that's part of it. I wish I would just buy gifts throughout the year when I see them and send them to friends and family right then. Actually, if I could be organized enough to just buy the gifts throughout the year and not save all the shopping for December I'd be guaranteed to feel less overwhelmed by it all.

This year our normal "schedule" for how Christmas works is completely messed up since Christmas falls on a Sunday. Normally we go to liturgy at midnight on Christmas Eve and come home to a little yummy snack to break the fast while the Deac and I play Santa. Then we toddle off to bed around 3 am and wake up leisurely late in the morning, have bagels and coffee, and spend the day opening gifts. Then we make a lovely big Christmas dinner (prime rib is a favorite) later in the day. This year we're actually talking about just getting cold cuts for sandwiches when we come home from church on Sunday (and just *when* is Santa supposed to come?). Hey, at least that's frugal, right? Why spend more money splurging on a big roast that you're just going to excrete in 12 hours?

Sigh. It'll be over in less than a week and that's good. Then we can set about enjoying the rest of the days in the holiday. It's really just the first one that I hate.

St. Lucia Day

Hee - that's the Deac with Emmelia dressed as St. Lucia on this day back in 2001. And - wow - how my ability to get decent web images has changed in the past 4 years!

Happy St. Lucia Day! We used to go all out and make the special Swedish buns with saffron to mark this day, but we didn't manage it this year.

St. Lucia (aka St. Lucy) was a Sicilian martyr who later appeared in the middle of a snowstorm in Sweden and brought food to the people there. Since that miracle occurred, she has been venerated in the Scandinavian countries and her feast day marks the beginning of the Christmas season there. Young girls dress up as the saint in white robes with red sashes (to represent her martyrdom) and crowns of candles (to represent her halo or heavenly glow). They wake their families with St. Lucia buns and coffee. It sounds like a wonderful holiday to me. I've always just liked the story and Lucy was a name on our list of possibilities for both girls. I'm sure Emmelia would've loved to dress up as St. Lucia this year - she's really into dress up. But the middle of the week is a little hard to manage when it comes to things like making buns from scratch and dressing up. Maybe someday we'll visit Sweden for this holiday.

Russian grade

This just in.... after a 1.5 hour grueling final on Saturday evening, my professor just e-mailed me my grade: A minus.

Not bad. I worked my not-so-small butt off to get that A minus. It really makes me wonder how the kids in the class with full course loads were able to handle it. Of course, they didn't have two kids they were tandem nursing, either. The time and energy committment of that shouldn't be underestimated (oh, and that full-time job, too, I guess).

So now I have about 6 weeks before the second semester begins - hopefully I won't forget everything I learned between now and then!

Loneliness

The Deac's new job seems to be going well. He's a little stressed out by the change, particularly the changes involved in going from the private to the public sector. I've encouraged him to call several of our friends and talk through some of the stress of the change, which he's done and found helpful. But it occurred to me last week that I don't really have anyone I could just call and talk to out of the blue like that. It isn't that no one would listen if I called, because I'm sure any of our friends would set aside that time for me. No, it has to do with that nagging sense of low self-esteem.

The little voice is always there saying "your problems aren't bad enough to bother anyone" and "you're not important enough to bug anyone else" and "if you bug them too much, they won't be your friends anymore". It's insistent and persuasive, because I've allowed it too much power over the years. It's true that the things I worry about are not as bad as most of the horrible stories I read about in the news. But you know, in my life at that moment, they ARE important. I think I've begun to recognize the cycle: low self-esteem leads to loneliness, which leads to more low self-esteem. It actually is more of a "which came first, the chicken or the egg?" sort of question.

When I did some therapy in the summer of 2004, this exact feeling was one of the things my therapist and I discussed. Not the loneliness aspect, but the not feeling worthy enough to reach out and talk to people part. Not feeling valued enough to ask for help or a listening ear. I guess that's one reason I started this blog. It's good therapy in some respects to at least have a place to get my thoughts out. I need to work on it some more, though. It's not a simple matter. I don't want to forever hide behind a computer screen, I want to learn to be open and good at sharing my feelings with others externally, too. That was something never done in my alcoholic family of origin, so it's a daunting task.

I know the feeling changes significantly depending on hormone levels. So if he notices I'm really feeling down and unable to cope, my husband usually reminds me to eat chocolate. Unfortunately (because I hate blaming things on hormones) that usually works. Maybe the message here is that I need to eat more chocolate on a daily basis. ;-)

St. Nicholas Day

Happy St. Nicholas Day! It is snowing here today, which seems appropriate. He is a saint often prayed to by travelers and therefore I have an icon of St. Nicholas on the dashboard of my car. Given the weather, it will be by his prayers that I make it home safely tonight.

Every year before we had kids, the Deac and I would disagree on when to decorate for Christmas. I, having been raised in a secular family of origin, was used to the decorations going up as soon as the Thanksgiving turkey had finished digesting. He, from a more religious family, insisted that Christmas decorations should go up to celebrate CHRISTMAS - the holiday that begins on December 25th and lasts 12 days. So he always wanted to wait until Christmas Eve. This disagreement usually resulted in a slow trickle of decorations going up throughout December and then putting up our main decorations around December 23rd or so. When we had kids, we finally reached a compromise - we would decorate for Christmas on St. Nicholas Day (December 6th). So, tonight the tree, stockings and Dept. 56 Christmas Village are going up at our house.

St. Nicholas visited our house last night. He filled the girls' shoes with candy coins, toys, bath fizzes, ponytail holders, and their own princess ornaments to put on the tree tonight. This morning I asked Emmelia if she liked what she got and she replied that she had, only she thought she would get a Barbie. Sigh... the inability to be pleasantly surprised begins so young.

This past Sunday we observed the 10th anniversary of our entrance into the Orthodox Christian Church. I've now been Orthodox for two years longer than I was ever even nominally Episcopalian. I'm so happy that 10 years later I can still say I've found my heart's true home. Sunday was also the feast day of St. Barbara, the patron of St. Barbara monastery in California - a place near and dear to my heart. In one of those "I can't believe they get this" moments that evening, Emmelia drew a picture of St. Barbara in her tower with three windows. I'm going to send it to the monastery so they can hang it on their refrigerator, but first I have to remember to scan it in or something for memory's sake.

In other brief news: the Deac started a new (secular) job yesterday that promises to present new challenges but less stress (yeay!); We had a lovely dinner out with the fire department last Saturday while the girls stayed with a babysitter - everyone had an enjoyable evening; The Deac and Em got some kind of 24-hour stomach virus that the rest of us are hoping to avoid - they both seem to be feeling much better; Maura's responding well to the treatment from the allergist - she's actually sleeping for hours at a time for the first time in her life; I'm in the process of reviewing for my Russian final this Saturday, getting Christmas cards designed and out and all the other common pre-holiday stresses. Those are the main reasons why you haven't seen much of me lately. Thank God, because life could be worse.

Troparion & Kontakion of St. Nicholas:

The truth of things revealed thee to thy flock as a rule of faith,
a model of meekness, and a teacher of temperance.
Therefore thou hast won the heights by humility, riches by poverty.
Holy Father Nicholas, intercede with Christ our God that our souls may be saved.

Thou wast a faithful minister of God in Myra, O Saint Nicholas.
For having fulfilled the Gospel of Christ,
thou didst die for the people and save the innocent.
Therefore thou wast sanctified as a great initiator of the grace of God.