Happy Halloween!

Even now, the "Cowgirl-Fairy-Princess-Unicorn" (unicorn for short) and firefighter are off trick-or-treating around the different rooms at daycare. Tonight they will be joined by their friend Rebecca (who may or may not be the spitting image of Boo from Monster's, Inc.) to trick-or-treat around our neighborhood. They're pretty excited this year... it's fun to watch. I'm off to my Russian exam now, but have some thoughts I'll try to post later. Happy All Hallow's Eve!

Still here...

Don't worry, I haven't forgotten the blog. I've just been preoccupied this week with some things I don't really feel like putting out on the internet - sorry. I'm sure I'll feel more like posting next week. In the meantime, enjoy this uber-pro-breastfeeding layout I made of my view while nursing Maura. ;-)

Oh, I almost forgot...

We went to the Pumpkin Farm last Sunday after church (well, the Deac actually went to a Parish Council meeting, but he joined us at the end). The girls had a blast even though it was very dusty! They had a hay maze (the girls did that), a corn maze (we skipped it), fields to pick your own pumpkins (we got 5), and a little farm animal "zoo". Maura was looking fascinated at the ewe when the lamb sidled up and started nursing. The ewe kicked it away before I could even snap a picture. I laughed, because I could totally relate. I guess the ewe and I bonded over the extreme joy and extreme annoyance that toddler nursing can sometimes be.

Busy as a paper hanger in a Hurricane

It's been a crazy week. Emmelia is now a Suzuki violin student (yeay!) and is very excited about it - she starts lessons officially on her 4th birthday. Maura had her 18-month check-up and is actually advanced in some verbal and motor skills. Unfortunately, she shares some obscure allergy with her sister as she had the same skin reaction to the MMR vaccine. Weird. Oh - she is also sporting a lovely gash on her forehead that we weren't sure whether needed stitches (luckily it didn't). Poor thing. And I got contacts again. So far I like the freedom they give me. I don't miss getting hit on the side of my glasses as seemed like was always happening. But it's also weird to get used to how I look without glasses. The Deac is especially having a hard time with it.

And, to top it off, we're *REALLY* hoping Hurricane Wilma doesn't destroy the gulf coast of Florida just before we head there on vacation!! Minor worries for the weekend. Well, the good news is that after huge storms stir up the Gulf like this, the shelling is usually EXCELLENT! Anyway, keep your fingers crossed.

Parenting by Instinct

This was the "Quote of the Day" on the Excite.com homepage today:

The more people have studied different methods of bringing up children the more they have come to the conclusion that what good mothers and fathers instinctively feel like doing for their babies is best after all.
- -- Benjamin Spock

And I have to say I agree with Dr. Spock here (some other parts of his book leave a little to be desired). Especially when my girls were infants, trusting my maternal instincts always proved to be the best path and it's one of the things I appreciate the most about Attachment Parenting. Now that they are toddlers, it's not always easy to remember to trust my instincts - sometimes I feel like another parent has taken over. I see myself responding to my children in ways that my parents responded to me and I don't like it. I know we all are destined to become our parents in some ways, but I'm hoping to avoid the emotionally distant dysfunctional part of my parent's legacy. So now I'm finding that always going with my first instinct isn't enough. Now I have to analyze my reactions: is it *really* what my gut is telling me to do? Or is it simply something that feels right because it is familiar, i.e., how I was raised?

Last night I cried myself to sleep (PMS much?). I kept thinking about the stories I heard of children being ripped out of their mother's arms during the tsunami in south Asia, the stories of children crushed to death in the earthquake in Pakistan, etc. It's so hard to see and hear about those images as a parent. I found myself hoping and praying nothing bad will ever happen to my children, but also I know that those other parents hoped and prayed the same thing. God didn't love them any less and yet allowed them to experience unspeakable heartache. And then I realized that trust in God means we believe that even when death happens it will turn out for good. It's a hard concept to really take to heart. But if God loves us, then He will always give us what is for our good, even if we can't see the whole story from our perspective. I'm still asking him to protect my girls, of course - and I have faith that no matter what happens from the perspective of the world, He will. God kind of parents by instinct, too. "Or what man of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone?" Matthew 7:9.

Some Resolution

The ultrasound went well this morning - no gall stones. In fact, nothing wrong with any of my abdominal organs. So, while we still don't know what's causing the pain, I at least don't have to face surgery and deal with general anesthesia while breastfeeding. Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers on that!

After much figurative hand-wringing and family discussions, we have found a place outside of our small & constantly messy house to have Emmelia's birthday party! I'm actually looking forward to this now! Turns out there's a City-owned building at one of the parks where they have a room set aside just for preschooler birthday parties. And they have a "party planner" who will help you keep things going, play games with the kids, make a craft with the kids, etc. All for a VERY reasonably price tag. I'm tickled about it, actually. I've edited this post to show the inviation Em picked above. Now to find envelopes to fit and get them out! Emmelia at first wanted a Dora the Explorer invitation, but we're not really planning a Dora theme and I don't want her to only get Dora gifts, if you know what I mean. So after more talking, she told me she wanted the invitation to have "stars, hearts and balloons - so they know it's a party!" . LOL. Pink and purple are her favorite colors, so the invitation of course had to reflect that. She's such a cutie. I can't believe she's almost four.

Next week she and I are going to go meet her new Suzuki Violin teacher and observe a lesson so Emmelia can see what to expect. I am so excited to have found an instructor who has lessons that work with a working mom's schedule. It wasn't looking good for a while. I hope next week goes well! If it does, you can probably expect a scrap layout of Em playing the violin - just a guess. ;-)

We started verbs in Russian this week! Yes, now I can say "She is writing." Turns out if you conjugate that verb according to the normal conjugation rules instead of its own special way, you would say "She is peeing." Ha, ha. We now know how to make our first joke in Russian.

Just found this on quotegarden.com:

God loves each of us as if there were only one of us. ~St. Augustine

Interesting.

Birthday Party planning stress

I took lots of photos this past weekend, even though it was a fairly uneventful weekend in general. These two layouts were the result of some of those photos and I even have a couple more in mind if I get some more scrapping time this week.

We're trying to plan Emmelia's 4th (FOUR!!!! I can't believe it.) birthday party. It's amazing how many little details there are to think about. I want it to be perfect for her but also don't want to be one of those moms who goes completely overboard. It's just a birthday party, for goodness sake. I do think birthday party planning is good practice for the eventual wedding.

Emmelia's ideal party will be a Dora the Explorer/My Little Pony/Backyardigans Treasure Hunt Costume Party at our house with ALL of her friends and loved ones. That's probably not likely to happen. ;-) First of all, our house is really too small for a winter party with 15-20 kids. So today I'm looking into options for remote locations around the area. The nice thing is, I know she'll enjoy whatever we end up with because she's a very social child who will love having her friends around no matter what they are doing.

If you have any ideas, please feel free to comment.

Newest layout

I did this scrapbook layout of Maura napping last week. The journalling tag contains an Irish blessing, which reads: "A sunbeam to warm you, a moonbeam to charm you, a sheltering angel so nothing can harm you." She was just so cute with the sun lighting her face like that, I had to take the photos and my friend Ginger made a "Sleep Tight" kit that made the layout go together super easily (except that I always have a hard time choosing which papers and elements to use, as you can probably tell)!

If you give a Mom a muffin

This was posted on one of my e-mail lists today and I thought it worthy of blogging since it's so darn true. I made a couple changes to accurately reflect the ages of the kids in my house. ;-)

If you give a Mom a muffin.....

If you give a Mom a muffin,
She'll want a cup of coffee to go with it.
She'll pour herself some.
Her three-year-old will spill the coffee.
She'll wipe it up.
Wiping the floor, she'll find dirty socks.
She'll remember she has to do laundry.
When she puts the laundry in the washer,
She'll trip over boots and bump into the freezer.
Bumping into the freezer will remind her
she has to plan for supper.
She will get out a pound of hamburger.
She'll look for her cookbook
("101 Things To Do With a Pound of Hamburger" ).
The cookbook is sitting under a pile of mail.
She will see the phone bill, which is due tomorrow.
She will look for her checkbook.
The check book is in her purse
that is being dumped out by her one-year-old.
She'll smell something funny.
She'll change the one-year-old's diaper.
While she is changing the diaper, the phone will ring.
Her three-year-old will answer and hang up.
She'll remember she wants to phone a friend for coffee.
Thinking of coffee will remind her
that she was going to have a cup.
And chances are... If she has a cup of coffee,
Her kids will have eaten the muffin that went with it.

Even so, Lord Jesus, quickly come!

Our priest has laryngitis, so there was no sermon today. But he did manage to say one thing: if Jesus were to come again right now, today, would he find us thinking about Him and working on our salvation? Or would he find us distracted by something else?

Ack! I like to think that some of my distractions such as working through the things I've posted here ARE part of working out my salvation and my relationship with God. But are they really? Is it better to just let it go so I can learn to draw near to God instead of continuing to beat against this wall? Or am I fooling myself - is it possible that I cannot draw near to God until I have gotten through this?

I guess, in other words - how much of holding on to this is pride and fear and lack of faith in God? On the other hand, what happened to me is a large part of who I am. Because of the things I experienced, I am the person I am today. I can't just say it didn't happen or didn't affect me. I know there is a happy medium in there somewhere and hopefully I have a little more time to find it.

Despair, Reliance & Hope

"...for we were so utterly, unbearably crushed that we despaired of life itself. 9 Why, we felt that we had received the sentence of death; but that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead; 10 he delivered us from so deadly a peril, and he will deliver us; on him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again." (II Corinthians 1:8b-10)

I read this passage from the New Testament last night and it really struck me. I know it's not probably the best practice to frame everything in terms my own experiences and I know St. Paul was speaking of far more noble suffering - the suffering of martyrs (I'm guessing? I'm not actually sure about that). Still. The idea that St. Paul - a shockin' holy saint** - could be brought so low that he despaired of life itself is somewhat amazing to me. It helps make God more approachable, actually, to know that someone who once felt such despair is now honored by the Church as a saint. [I don't mean to imply that I despair of life *constantly*, mind you, but it does occur with a discouraging amount of regularity - often correlated to hormone levels. ;-) I think it's somewhat normative in the human condition to sometimes feel that way.]

But, no, what is important about this passage is the hope. No matter what happens to us in this life, no matter how bad it seems, God can fix it. Really, how can you be overwhelmed by despair and death when God has overcome death? The trick for us is in believing He can and, harder (to me at least) even than that is to believe that He will. It all comes back to God's promise to not give us more than we can bear. It seems like if you are despairing of life, you might have a little too much to bear. Instead of giving up on his apostolic mission, St. Paul turns to God when he gets to this point and asks for help. He not only asks, but he expects help. I hope someday to have such boldness before God and I suspect learning to have such boldness is what real faith is about. I read somewhere (it might've been Schmemann's book, I can't remember) a while ago that the phrase "Lead me not into temptation but deliver me from evil" in the Lord's prayer actually relates to this very thing. We are asking for and affirming our trust that God will not allow us to be tempted or burdened past our ability to cope. Learning to rely on God and having faith that He is going to remove the burden of our suffering from us - that's the harder part. I hope that eventually I can let go of this burden and give it to God. Until then I probably won't be receptive to the comfort He is continually offering me. It's as though the doctor is saying "here is a cure right here!" and I am stubbornly refusing to no longer be a victim of some disease. I hope I can eventually get to the point of acceptance of God's love and forgiveness so that through my struggle others can be strengthened. As St. Paul says earlier in the passage from II Corinthians 1: 3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.


**This saying is from a cassete tape the Deac used to have of British children talking to their Sunday School teacher in the 1950s. At one point, the teacher asked a little boy who St. Paul was and he said in the cutest little voice "He was a SHOCKIN' holy saint!" We still crack up about it (we're easily amused).

Not too shabby

Shabby Princess has a new digital scrapbooking kit out. I thought it coordinated nicely with this photo of Maura that I took recently. I really like the styles on that site. And with such a cute and photogenic subject (who turned 18 months old this past weekend! Eek!), it's easy to throw a layout together.

Today is gray and chilly - fall is definitely in the air. I have a Russian exam tomorrow so I'm hoping to have enough energy to stay up tonight after the girls fall asleep to study, but this weather makes it hard to have extra energy.

Not much else is going on. I had some random thoughts in my head this morning about how our lives and relationships change as we get older, but I'm waiting to see if they are going to congeal into something more poignant. Next week I have an ultrasound to see if I need to have my gall bladder removed, so please keep me in your thoughts and prayers for that to resolve in a good way. The doctor said I have a "positive Murphy sign." In other words, the area around my gall bladder hurts when she touches it - so there might be a laparoscopy in my future. We'll know more in a couple of weeks.