The people we'll see in Heaven

I had another good chat with a friend today. It really helps to have anchors in life when you feel like you are about to be over-whelmed. And having a friend you can always count on to lean a listening ear is invaluable.

One of the things that I brought up during our conversation was about forgiveness. I've always thought of *real* forgiveness being when you want someone to go to Heaven - you want God to forgive them and not hold whatever they've done to hurt you against them. More than that, I think if you've really forgiven someone, you'll even *look forward* to seeing them in Heaven - you'll be happy to see them again for eternity. That's where I fall down with my grandfather. I am at the point where I hope for his forgiveness and salvation and I hope he is in Heaven when I get there - just somewhere over on the other side of it or something.

My father's death made me realize that subtle difference - the wishing for someone's salvation vs. wanting to spend eternity with them. I really do hope my father makes it to Heaven, and I'll be excited to see him again when I get there (assuming *I* get there too!). And, you know, it's not like my father didn't make choices that made my life very difficult growing up and as an adult child of an alcoholic. So where's the difference here?

Part of me wonders if it's not because I know more about my father's life. I have been able to see him as a person and I have some sympathy for why he made the choices he did. Now, while I'll never understand why my grandfather chose to hurt me, there must be more to the man than an abuser. Because the abuse started so early, I never had the chance to get to know my grandfather as anything else. I'm beginning to wonder if I might not be at a good place in my recovery to start learning more about this man - hear some stories from people who knew him. Ten years ago I wouldn't have been able to handle that, but I think I might pursue it a bit more now and see if getting to know him as a person helps me get to the point where I'll look forward to seeing him in Heaven.